1 in 4

One in Four

 

This week Alex and I have experienced our hardest days as newlyweds. We went in to the doctor’s office for what we thought would be a routine, nine week ultrasound. We were both excited and anxious to see our little baby for the first time on the monitor. Unfortunately, that excitement was short lived.

We had talked about trying for another baby as soon as the wedding was over. We have been together for six years, our daughter would be four before another came along, and the timing felt right. So, a couple weeks after the wedding we started trying. We left for our honeymoon at the end of August and enjoyed a wonderful vacation in the Mediterranean. I wanted to test as soon as we got back from the honeymoon, but Alex wanted to wait. If you know me, than you know I can be very impatient. As soon as I dropped our daughter off at preschool that Monday, I went to the store, bought a box of pregnancy tests, and rushed home. I was elated when two pink lines appeared almost immediately and couldn’t wait for Alex to get home to share the good news. I put the test in a box and our daughter gave it to him, saying she had made him something. He was so excited when he saw what was inside and from that moment on, the new baby made its way into daily conversations and our hearts.

 

 

I had experienced a small amount of bleeding in my eighth week and had gone to see the midwife because I was concerned. She talked with me and reassured me that a lot of women experience bleeding during their first trimester of pregnancy. She went so far as to tell me, “If I were a betting woman, I would bet this baby is just fine.” I was sent to the lab for blood work to make sure my hormone levels were where they should be.

I anxiously awaited a phone call back to make sure everything was going well. Two days is a long time for someone who has not mastered the art of patience. My midwife called me back on Friday, while I was waiting for my daughter to get out of her music class. She told me that my HCG levels were, “through the roof,” and even mentioned that we could possible be pregnant with multiples. However, my progesterone wasn’t quite where they would like. She said that I could try a progesterone supplement, but due to the outrageous cost, and the fact that there is no strong, clinical evidence that it helps, I chose not to. My ultrasound was scheduled for the following week. I was so excited to be able to see the little nugget sooner than planned.

We sat in the waiting room anxiously awaiting our turn to go back. Finally, a woman called my name and we were ushered into the ultrasound room. I lay down in the chair, she put gel on my stomach, and the first thing we saw was that there was only one baby on the monitor, not two. We joked, as Alex breathed a sigh of relief. The ultrasound technician took some measurements, but then told us that she needed to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound to “see things a little better.” There wasn’t much of a difference and I felt a little concerned that the baby seemed so still.

Eventually the perky technician told us that she could not see a heartbeat. She showed us where it should be and that we should see a little fluttering there. She decided to listen and see if we could hear it, but there was only silence. All of that excitement we had been feeling just a few minutes ago vanished. It was heartbreaking and soul crushing to see your baby on the monitor feel your body changing, know that the baby was still in there, but that it was no longer alive. The doctor came in and told us that the baby had stopped growing at nine weeks, just two days prior. She left the room to give Alex and I some time to ourselves. I broke down.

We moved to another room to sit with the doctor to ask questions and discuss options. It was overwhelming to be expecting a healthy pregnancy, learn that the baby had passed, and then discuss what needed to happen next. Our doctor was very kind and sympathetic. She made sure to tell me over and over that there was nothing that I could have done to prevent this. She stated that I was “one in four women who miscarry before 20 weeks.” She explained that I could pass the fetus naturally, but that it would be a gruesome and painful experience or that I could have a dilation and curettage (D & C). Being a stay at home mother and not wanting to have any of this happen around my daughter, I chose to have a D & C. Thankfully they were able to get the procedure scheduled on Friday, just two days later.

Friday morning my dad showed up at our house to watch our daughter while Alex and I left for the hospital. I was checked in and prepped for surgery. I have horrible veins and it took two tries and a lot of digging to finally get an IV placed. I had to take antibiotics, anxiety medicine, and be screened for Ebola. The nurse brought in a stack of papers for me to sign and one of them stood out more than the others, it was the fetal death certificate and permission for cremation. It took everything I had not to break down, but I kept it together. After a few hours I was wheeled back to the freezing, sterile operating room. The anesthesiologist placed the oxygen mask on my face, while my doctor held my hand and hugged me as I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up a couple of hours later crying, nauseous, and experiencing severe cramping. I felt empty. They gave me anti-nausea and pain medications and sent me back to the recovery room. Alex came back and we waited for them to discharge us. It took forever for a wheelchair to get to us, but eventually, I was wheeled to our car, and headed home. I spent the rest of the night crying and resting.

I think things have finally settled in. I no longer feel pregnant anymore. No one tells you how devastating this experience truly is. I’ll admit that I used to think that women exaggerated the pain they felt from a miscarriage. I thought they couldn’t possibly be as torn up about losing something they have never met as they lead on. For some, I thought they wanted attention and sympathy. I no longer think like that. I cannot possibly explain to someone who has never been through this what it is like. You carry a baby for nine weeks and you have all of these dreams and future plans made out, and then it’s taken away.

It’s sad that women feel the need to keep their miscarriage(s) a secret. Now that I’ve been inducted into the horrible one in four club, I can see why it is kept quiet. People have absolutely no clue how to comfort or what to say. There is no protocol for this kind of loss. They try and tell you to see the positives in the situation, to be thankful for what you have, there’s always next time, or that you’re lucky it happened early on in the pregnancy.  These are just some of the examples I’ve heard in the past four days. The last thing I feel is lucky and I sure as hell don’t see any positives in this. It is devastating and painful.

The only thing I am thankful for is the couple of women who have come out of the wood work to support me, because they know exactly how it feels. They have gone through the same thing. While it still raw and overwhelming for me right now, it is comforting to know that I’m not alone. I have a small support group and I’m sure that I will be even more thankful for them in the coming days and months.

I think I am currently experiencing the bitter stage of grief. My first pregnancy was unplanned and protected against. I was never able to enjoy that pregnancy nor look forward to the future. This was supposed to be different. We did it the “right way” this time and we were finally able to celebrate the way a pregnancy deserves. However, the celebration is over. Not only are we grieving the loss of this baby, but this experience will also bring a dark cloud on the next pregnancy, when and if that happens. We will be too scared to tell anyone and I will be terrified of going through the same thing. It just feels very unfair.

I know that I will get stronger as the days go on, but I won’t ever truly be over this loss. I am forever changed. I will mourn every October 15^th, the day of the ultrasound and ironically infant loss awareness day, October 17^th, the day of my D & C, and May 18^th, our little baby’s due date. It is going to be rough for a few months, but I know that I will get through this.

Be with Me

 

 

I have been in such a reading "funk" lately. I've felt overwhelmed with all of the wedding planning and things surrounding the big day. I mean, who knew that one day could take so much preparation? Thankfully, Jennifer Armentrout (J. Lynn) pulled me out of my funk with Be with Me.

 

I actually had the chance to meet Jennifer Armentrout at a book signing a few months ago and she had the group rolling. She's sarcastic, hilarious, and very down to earth. I already loved all of the books I had read by her, but I'm an even bigger fan now.

 

 

 

Be with Me is Theresa and Jase's very raw, yet adorable, love story. Theresa first met Jase after he started coming to her parents' house to visit her brother, Cam. They shared a passionate kiss, one that she compares anyone after to, but Jase fell off the face of the Earth after that. Theresa, a dancer, tore her ACL and attends the same college as Cam and Jase while waiting to heal and return to dancing. There seems to be an instant connection between Tess, as Jase calls her, and Jase and soon they're having to face skeletons in their past to ensure a future together.

 

Everything about this story drew me in. The love between Jase and Jack was so sweet, I'm a mother so this had me hooked in pretty quick. Jase was clearly a hottie, Theresa was a victim turned bad ass survivor, and those two together were swoon worthy... I loved it. I was so glad it turned out the way it did for them in the end. I'd even love to see more of these two in the future. 







One Tiny Lie

 

 

I had an awful time getting into this book. It took me forever to read because I was avoiding it for so long. I enjoyed Ten Tiny Breaths, but this just didn't do it for me.

 

Livie is starting at Princeton. Kacey comes to help her move in and spark a social life. Livie, Kacey, and Reagan, Livie's roommate, attend a frat party. Livie gets drunk and throws herself at Princeton's beautiful, man whore, Ashton. He is the complete opposite of anything she, or her parents, would want for herself. But, as she starts a relationship with Ashton's best friend, Connor, she can't seem to get him out of her head. This is a book about self discovery and ultimately allowing yourself to accept that your goals and paths in life may change.

 

I just never connected with the characters in this book. Livie was a straight A, super geek smart, student, but as soon as she meets Ashton all of that changes. I just found this so far fetched. She's strived her whole life to get into and attend Princeton, but she never seems to study. She's always partying or with one of the guys (Ashton or Connor). I understand that she realizes that her childhood career aspiration did not pan out. I've been there before, but I also worked my ass off before I realized that it wasn't for me. I even understand her feelings of not fitting in at Princeton. I had the exact same feelings my freshman year of college and I transferred, but that's not to say that I partied all of the time. It just seemed very passive.

 

Let's not get me started on Dr. Stayner, I cannot stand his character in this book. I do not believe that any psychologist would do half of the things that he did. I know that this is a work of fiction, but come on. What doctor would suggest that an underage girl go to frat parties and drink? None.

 

The only redeeming quality in this book for me was Ashton. I'm a sucker for a guy with a dark past (cliche, I know). I could do without the whole man whore aspect because I really think that's been overdone in this genre.

 

Overall, I was underwhelmed with Livie's story. She annoyed me in in Ten Tiny Breaths so I didn't really expect to like her more in this. With that being said, I still love K. A. Tucker, and I will most definitely be reading her next books. 

The Sea of Tranquility

 

 

The Sea of Tranquility is heartbreakingly beautiful. I loved it so much and it's not often that you feel changed after reading a book, but this is one of those for me. My words couldn't possibly give this book the praise and credit it deserves. It is beyond moving and quickly moved up to number one on my "favorites" list.

 

Nastya is the new girl in school. It's her senior year, but she is not interested in fitting in or making friends. Her attire alone tends to repel most people, but as if that is not enough, she doesn't speak. All of that changes when Josh Bennett enters her life. He's sitting alone at lunch and she is impressed by the imaginary force field that seems to emanate from him and keep people away. She instantly wants to know him. Nastya and Josh become close, but her secrets are constantly lingering. When everything comes out, they both realize how much they need one another.

 

I've never read a book where the last page (or three) were my absolute favorite. I just loved Nastya/Emilia/Sunshine's "last secret" for Josh. It was an absolute perfect ending. I know I'm gushing, but this book was the epitome of perfection.

 

While Nastya and Josh weren't your typical young adult characters, I found them to be endearing. Katja Millay did an amazing job in taking raw pain and suffering and turning it into something beautiful. I am in awe of her and cannot believe that this was her first book. Needless to say, I cannot wait for more from her. 

Rule

 

 

This book had been suggested to me several times before I have in and read it. Boy am I glad that I did. If you you're looking for a read full of tension and angsty love, then this is for you.

 

Shaw Landon has plans to become an ER surgeon. She leads an extremely busy life, putting others before herself and constantly trying to live up to her parents' expectations. She's prim and proper on the outside, but inside she knows it is just a front. She has been in love with Rule Archer for years. Unfortunately for her, most days he doesn't even acknowledge her existence. The two grow closer after a drunken night together, but Shaw carries a secret that could not only destroy Rule, but the whole Archer family.

 

At the beginning of this book I hated Rule. I am not attracted to the whole man whoring type of guys that tend to find themselves in novels. Ladies, why do you find that attractive?! However, my feelings changed once he started to fall in love with Shaw. He was sweet and irresistible as far as book boyfriends go. Still, I would love to see more of books from this genre take a pass on the whole reformed man whore scenario.

 

I definitely saw the whole thing with Remy, Rule's twin, coming. I had a feeling from the beginning that Shaw didn't have a relationship with him because he was gay. I wish that we could have seen more of their friendship (a prequel) because it seemed so loving and endearing.

 

This book had me hooked from the first page. There was so much angst- I LOVED it. I cannot wait to read Jet, Rome, and Nash's stories. I'm so glad that I've been introduced to Jay Crownover and her bad boys. 

A Beautiful Wedding

 

 

I have to say that I was disappointed in this novella. A Beautiful Wedding is the story of Travis and Abby's wedding. I loved Beautiful Disaster, but I thought that Walking Disaster kind of dragged the story into the ground. This just made me sad.

 

 

First of all, you should definitely read Beautiful Disaster and Walking Disaster before you start this. The novella starts after the fire at Keaton Hall. Abby is worried that she will lose Travis and that he will be charged for the fire. She makes a last minute decision to fly to Las Vegas and get married. Her ultimate goal once she gets there is to get married as quickly as possible in hopes that Travis won't be blamed and charged for the fire.

 

The whole scenario really pissed me off. It's obvious that Abby is in love with Travis but she wouldn't have married him when she did if she wasn't worried about him going to prison. Travis was so excited about the wedding and thrilled to become Abby's husband. I just found it a little heartbreaking that he didn't know what was driving her decision. It wasn't love, it was the fear of losing him.

 

 

"If I pulled the wedding off and kept Travis out of prison without him knowing why, it would be my best bluff yet."

 

 

While the rushed wedding and the reasoning behind it irritated me, I still love Travis and Abby. I was happy that they had a vow renewal and were able to include all of the people that they love.

 

Now the important question? Who is ready for Trent's story? I know I am!! Beautiful Oblivion is set to release later this year. 

Maybe Someday

 

 

Oh, Colleen Hoover, you've done it again. Honestly you can do no wrong. I just love your books more and more with each one I read. Maybe Someday was no exception. I was hooked from the first page and I knew before I was even half way through that this was going to be my favorite book of all time, ever.

 

Maybe Someday is about a music education major, Sydney, who is helping her guitarist neighbor, Ridge, write music. They both become very attached to one another, even though they do their best to fight it.

 

Colleen Hoover teamed up with the very attractive musician, Griffin Peterson (he's also the cover model on Losing Hope), to incorporate music throughout the book. There is a spot for you to scan a bar code with your smart phone and you can listen to the songs that Sydney and Ridge write together. It makes for an awesome and unique reading experience. I loved the music as much as the book.

 

I cannot gush enough over the characters in this novel. They were all so perfect. Sydney, Ridge, Warren, Maggie, and even Bridgette- they were all strong, confident, and they all had a sense of humor (especially Warren). I'm not sure that I've read a book recently where I liked all of the characters. I know this is a stand alone novel, but I sure hope that Mrs. Hoover surprises us all and gives us more Sydney and Ridge..... please?! 

Thoughtless

 

 

I had a love/hate relationship with this book. That being said, I could not put it down. Thoughtless centers around a love triangle. Kiera and Denny are the perfect, happy couple. Kiera follows Denny from Ohio to Seattle so that he can start the internship of a lifetime. They rent a room from the wildly attractive, Kellan, who just so happens to be Denny's friend. Denny goes on a business trip and while he is gone Kiera and Kellan's relationship becomes more intimate. In the end Kiera has to choose between a comfortable, familiar love, or a passionate, overwhelming love.

 

I am just going to say it.... I hated Kiera! She was so frustrating, selfish, and caused everyone a lot of pain. Also, I've never heard of someone blushing and crying as much as she did. It was ridiculous that she thought she could keep both Denny and Kellan. Why would she even want to do that?! I just wanted to scream and shake her. Stop ruining every one's lives and JUST MAKE A DECISION! She was by far one of the worst female characters I've encountered in quite awhile. She did redeem herself a little at the end. After Denny went back to Australia and Kellan told her that he couldn't be with her. She finally left them both alone then. FINALLY!

 

While I hated Kiera, I loved Kellan. Put aside the sexy, rock star persona, he was a funny, tortured character. His past was heart breaking and he was so insecure. Denny was mostly in the dark about the whole affair for most of the book, but I always felt bad for Kellan. That's what drove me crazy was how much Kiera hurt Kellan and just assumed that he didn't care for her, even thought it was blatently obvious.

 

I will definitely be reading the second book, Effortless. Thoughtless was so emotional and angsty. I clearly was annoyed with Kiera, but I really want to see where this series goes from here. 

Legend

 

 

This dystopic novel is set in California. The United States no longer exists. The western states are known as the Republic and they are in a constant state of war with the eastern states, the Colonies, and the Colony supporters, the Patriots. The people within the Republic government and military, especially those who live in the wealthier sectors, don't seem to question authority. The wealthier, government sectors are very militaristic. The students who pass their trial (test given at age ten to determine intelligence and social ranking) with high scores finish high school and then attend college. College seemed to be like a long term military training academy. The wealthier sectors gave off a very Sparta vibe; they valued the military, and had a "survival of the fittest" frame of mind.

 

June Iparis was born to an elite Republic family. She is one of the only people who have ever received a perfect score of 1500 on her trials and is viewed as a prodigy. At just fifteen years of age, she is well ahead of other students at Drake University, and tends to get herself in trouble due to boredom. Her parents died when she was young, but she's on the fast track being groomed to Republic greatness like her brother and guardian, Captain Metias Iparis.

 

Day is an infamous and most wanted criminal in the Republic. He was born into one a poor family. He failed his trials and was supposed to be sent to a labor camp, but he escaped and lived a life on the streets. He risks being caught to get medicine to cure his brother, but when Captain Iparis is killed in the process, Day becomes the prime suspect. June vows to hunt him down and avenge her brother's death.

 

Dystopian novels seem to be very popular lately, but I have the same problem with Legend as I do with others (Hunger Games, Divergent, etc)- Why?! I know it's not crucial to the story, but I'm just curious. Why did it happen? In Legend, the citizens seem to know less about their past and what's going on than the others. It was hard to pinpoint a time frame for this book, which also isn't too important. It definitely has to be after 1990 (that's the year on the U.S. quarter Day's father found). The Republic had a very "big brother" feel. They telecast warnings and reminders of the dangers the Colonies and Patriots pose, breaking news is shown on jumbotrons all over the Republic, and public executions.

 

Day was by far my favorite character of the novel. He puts so much thought into everything he did. Most of his crimes were committed to help someone else. He didn't hurt anyone unless his life depended on it. He was very intelligent and way beyond his fifteen years of life. He learns from an early age that the Republic is not to be trusted.

 

It took me awhile longer to like June. She was rigid and robotic at times. I really started to like her when she saw how Day lived and empathized with him after his mother was killed. I loved that she became a rebel and that she was a strong, intelligent female character. She may have been born into wealth, but she never questioned leaving it behind when she learned the truth.

 

If you are a fan of dystopic socities, than Legend, is a must read. It has strong characters, an interesting plot, and you get alternating points of view. I look forward to the next books and to see what Day and June accomplish, because I am sure it will be epic. 

Losing Hope

 

ALL. THE. FEELS!!!!!!!

The months leading up to the Losing Hope realease, I thought that it would be picking up where Hopeless left off. Well, I was wrong. This is Sky and Holder's story told from Dean Holder's point of view. Let me just say that after reading this, Holder is now my favorite "book boyfriend"ever!

I loved being able to see what was going on in Holder's head. Especially scenes like the initial grocery store sighting and the bracelet/cafteria incident. He was so throghtful, sweet, honest, and protective. I loved it!!!

The letters that he wrote to his sister, Les, were probably my favorite part of this book. You could tell how special she was to him and how much he missed her. I bawled m eyes out reading Les's good bye letter to him. It was so perfect for this story. It really gave Holder the closure that he needed. 

Colleen Hoover can do no wrong in my book. Bring on Maybe Someday (which released today) and Ugly Love (which will hopefully come out later this year). 

Providence

I am a huge Jame McGuire fan. I loved Beautiful Disaster, Walking Disaster, and Red Hill. So, I decided to pick up one of her earlier book. While reading this you can definitely tell it was one of her first books.

Nina has just lost her father. After the funeral she meets Jared Ryel, a nice and very attractive guy, at the bus stop. They have several encounters; running into one another unexpectedly. Through the course of the book, Nina learns that her father was not as great of a man as she had grown up thinking. Also, Jared is much more connected with her life and her past than she could have ever imagined. Nina and Jared fight fate and hell to be together.

The plot of this story has great. It was interesting and fairly original. However, there were so many errors throughout the book that it was hard to ignore. If you can look past the errors and mistakes then the story line is great. I loved Jared, and that he was the one with the stronger feelings (at first). You usually see girls falling all over themselves for guys, but it was nice to see it play out the opposite for Jared and Nina. This book is the first of a trilogy, it definitely caught my attention enough to see where Jared and Nina's story leads. 

Ten Tiny Breaths

Wow, just wow. I was not expecting to love this book as much as I do and I will inevitably be suffering from a book hangover after this. After this book I immediately reserved all of the K. A. Tucker books available at my local library. 

Kacey was in a horrible car accident. She lost her parents, best friend, and boyfriend. She and her sister, Livie, have to live with their aunt and uncle afterwards. After a horrific night, Kacey takes Livie to start their lives over in Florida. There they befriend Storm and her daughter, Mia. Kacey is even starting to resemble her old self, open up, and really live. She meets Trent and there is an instant attraction He is adament about her seeking help for the PTSD she suffers. Trent becomes Kacey's rock. He gets her to open up and he makes her feel whole again. 

"Give me your heart, Kacey. I'll take everything that comes with it."

Little does Kacey know just how involved Trent is with her past. Once she learns the truth She is shattered and she almost loses Trent for good... Almost. 

I don't have anything negative to say about this book. Iwas hooked from the first page. Kacey was such a strong character. I loved that she had such strength and was a bad ass. She didn't take crap from anyone and she was willing to do whatever she could to give her younger sister the best life and future possible. I did feel bad for her when she found out the truth about Trent, but she was able to get the help that she needed and still found it in herself to forgive, accept, and love Trent.

While what Trent did was screwed up, and borderline stalkerish, he had good intentions. I loved watching he and Kacey fall in love. He wanted her to enjoy life and to fully recover. He was super sweet, hot, and ultimately swoon-worthy. 

Shiver

 

 

I was very skeptical going into this read. It honestly sounded like a "team Jacob" version of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight, but I finished pleasantly surprised. Grace was bitten by wolves when she was young, but had been saved by a wolf with striking yellow eyes; Sam. She watched him for years, until a rumor spread that a boy at her school had been killed by the wolves. Men from Mercy Falls hunted the wolves. Grace tried to save them, but found her wolf as a boy on her back porch. Sam and Grace were finally together, but it is a constant struggle for Sam to stay in his human form. They both knew their time was limited.

 

I thought Stiefvater did a good job of making this werewolf story her own. Unlike most books I've read with werewolf characters, this was different. The Mercy Falls pack were wolves during the winter and humans during the summer. The change in air temperature is what changed them. At some point in their lives they would stop changing and live out the remainder of their days as wolves.

 

"I don't want to do this anymore, Grace. It's not good enough anymore to watch you from the woods, not now that I've been with you- the real thing. I can't just watch anymore. I'd rather risk what ever could happen--"

 

I enjoyed Sam and Grace's relationship. It was, at times, bittersweet. They knew they had a limited amount of time together, but they also had loved one another (in different ways) for six years. I would have liked some more intense scenes with these two. They seemed to always be busy with the whereabouts of the pack or trying to keep Sam a human and there could have been more confessions of love, more intimate moments, and less song lyrics from Sam, they were just too cheesy. The book ended on a cliffhanger and I cannot wait to pick up Linger and see where their story goes from here.

 



The Three Incestuous Sisters

This is the second graphic novel I've read by Audrey Niffenegger. This story is about three sisters; Clothilde, Ophile, and Bettine. Clothilde, the oldest sister, was considered to be the smartest, Ophile was the most talented, and Bettine, the youngest, was the most attractive. Bettine falls in love with the lighthouse keeper's son, Paris. They conceive a child. Clothilde is insanely jealous of Bettine and is also in love with Paris. Ophile is able to connect with the fetus and knows that he will be a prophet. Tragedy strikes the sisters, but they are able to overcome their differences and are reunited in the end.

I read Raven Girl a few months ago and loved it. So, I expected this to be a strange, fairytale-esque graphic novel. Honestly, it was just weird. The descriptions were vague, short, and the story was choppy. IT never really explained how or why everyone was reunited. I think that I would have enjoyed it more if it had there been more description and if it had been a little longer.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane

"She's been given to her ocean. One day, in it's own time, the ocean will give her back."

This was the first book that I have ever read by Neil Gaiman, and it reads like a fairy tale. It was fantastic. The book opens with a man reminiscing back to his childhood. He remembers all of the terror and fear he endured when he was just seven years old. The mysterious and magical, Lettie Hempstock, befriends the boy and completely changes his life. she and her family taught him that no one is what they appear on the outside. There is always more to people than we know. 

"Nobody actually looks like what they really are on the inside. You don't. I don't. People are much more complicate than that. It's true of everybody."

Lettie, her mother, and grandmother truly made this book. They are my favorite female characters in any of my recent reads. All three of them were strong, caring, and independent women. There were no men around to help them and they seemed to prefer it that way. The Hempstocks were able to see a different side of life than most. 

"So you used to know everything?"

"Everybody did. I told you. It's nothing special, knowing how things work. And you really do have to give it all up if you want to play." 

I loved the relationship between Lettie and the boy. They became instant friends, it was very endearing. The boy put all of his trust into what Lettie told him and was never frightened or judgmental by what she could do. This book, while dark at times, shows you the beautiful innocence of childhood and that not everything is as it appears. 

The Edge of Always

I have been anxiously awaiting this book since I read The Edge of Never last year. Unfortunately, I was fairly disappointed. It was like deja vu throughout much of the plot. Camryn and Andrew go through a lot of drama and solve it by going on a road trip. Sound familiar? I kept hoping for some redemption towards the end, but it never came. 

It really bothered me that the book jumped around so much. "Oh we're having a baby, now a miscarriage, now Camryn's popping pills, and to make things all better we go on a road trip." It was frustrating to read and I felt as though the characters said they resolved issues, but never really showed it. The scene where Andrew found out Camryn had been taking the pain pills had to be one of them most infuriating for me. He's clearly upset and angry, but remains quiet and then completely understands and forgives her. I realize they are just characters in a book, but they lose some of their humanity when they don't show proper emotions and are made into the "perfect man, woman, fiancé, spouse, etc." 

Andrew seemed to be surprising Camryn ALL the time; baby shower, road trip, letter from Natalie, necklace, wedding rings, house warming party, etc. Honestly, it got to be redundant. You're a sweet, thoughtful guy, Andrew, we get it. Also, towards the end of the novel it brought up Aiden and Michelle's divorce and it seemed to insinuate that they weren't as lucky as Andrew and Camryn. Very annoying. 

I feel a little bad that I just bashed this book. I expected better. That being said, I look forward to J. A. Redmerski's future work.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

 

 

Aristotle Mendoza is fifteen years old and lives in El Paso, Texas. He's an only child, keeps his emotions bottled inside, keeps to himself, and has no friends. He decides to go to the community pool one summer day and meets Dante, who teaches him to swim. The two boys seem to instantly become friends and the novel circles around their relationship. This book is so special and covers so many topics; friendship, family, lies, secrets, homosexuality, love, minorities, gangs, violence, and coming of age. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe has no true plot. It is more about emotions, relationships, and discovering who they really are.

 

Saenz is a poet and it is so evident through out the book. The sentence structure is short, but it reads almost lyrically. I love how he took controversial topics head on and made them something beautiful. I really wish schools could use this book in their curriculum. It is important for the younger generation to be more accepting and tolerant of people and their lifestyle choices.

 

I, personally, loved how accepting and loving both Aristotle and Dante's parents were. They never put them down, nor were they angry or upset that they were gay. The Mendozas and the Quintanas wanted nothing but happiness for their children. As a parent, I think that kind of an attitude is something to strive for. 

Sparta: A Novel

 

 

 

I am left in awe of this book. It was not what I had expected, but in the best way possible. Conrad has just returned home to New York, after serving four years and two deployments in Iraq, as an officer in the United States Marine Corps. The years he had spent in Iraq left him longing for the luxuries of home, but when he actually gets back he is surprised by what he encounters. He struggles daily with adjusting back into civilian life, and as the days go by it only gets worse. Thankfully for Conrad he has the support of his family to see him through the dark days.

 

 

This book is so raw. It is honestly like reading from a veteran's journal. You would never know it was a work of fiction. It brings up so many valid points. Our young men and women are returning home from "war" and they are not met with the ticker tape parades of World War II. It is a constant struggle for a lot of them to enter back in to society as a civilian. It is even harder when they feel isolated from the world, their family, and friends. They come back changed and it is hard for them to adjust.

 

 

"Fear. You didn't call it fear, but that's what it was. All that was over now, but the habit was hard to break. Was it a habit or a way of life?"

 

 

It was very disheartening to see Conrad finally go to the VA to seek help, and have to wait months, counting down the days, and get shrugged off with medication. While I am not sure that every veteran has had this experience, it is disgraceful for even one to have to go through that. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you need help and to be so easily dismissed can be earth shattering.

 

 

I think this is must read for everyone. I think that it gives readers a perspective they don't often see from soldiers or war. When people think of the cost of war they count death tolls. No one thinks of the soldiers who lost years (or more) of their lives to post traumatic stress disorder. I commend Roxana Robinson for touching on this issue in such an eloquent, raw way.

 

 

"Sparta made young boys into warriors; it was left to the warriors to restore themselves to men."

Allegiant

 

 

Warning: This review does contain spoilers. Consider yourself warned.

 

Allegiant is the final novel in Veronica Roth's Divergent trilogy. Evelyn Johnson has taken over the city, but not everyone believes she should be in control. A group of former faction members start a revolution. They call themselves the Allegiant. Johanna and Cara, the Allegiant leaders, decide to take a group of former Dauntless members outside of the city limits and ultimately halt Evelyn's rise to power. The group learns that the history they thought to be true their whole lives, was nothing but a lie.

 

At times I suffered from information overload while reading this book. Every chapter, almost every page, was full of new information. It was as if the author was unsure of where the book was going to end and just kept throwing random information in there for good measure. Also, it seemed as though once the group left Chicago behind the problems there and the city itself became almost an afterthought to them. Chicago was so insignificant in the scheme of this novel. I do love the action and I think that's what makes this series so popular, but sometimes less is more. It just seems as though each book has the same major problem(s), only with different leaders. I thought this book would be different. I enjoyed some of it, but I expected more feelings and emotions, and I didn't get that.

 

I appreciated a little more "romance" between Tris and Tobias in this book. Like I said before, I wish there had been more. I realize this is not a romance novel, and I would not have wanted that, but there are very few scenes where Tris and Tobias really connect, talk, or spend time alone. I think that is why the ending was so hard to swallow. They both seem excited about the prospect of a life together, without all of the chaos, and that is taken away from them. There is a quote that Tris says in this book that really hits home. It was by far my favorite quote from this novel.

 

 

"I fell in love with him. But I don't stay with him by default as if there's no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me."

 

 

 Let's go ahead and get this out of the way.... Tris dies. I had to go back and reread that part because I was in shock. I was NOT expecting that in the least. I do have to say kudos to Roth for being different. There are quite a few popular Young Adult series where the main character is faced with death, but defies all odds and lives (cough, Harry Potter, cough). While the author deserves mad props for this, in my book, I do have some issues surrounding Tris's death. I expected there to be more emotion from the other characters afterwards, especially Caleb, Christina, and Tobias. You see that they are upset, but I expected Tobias to be shattered. I wish we could have seen more emotion. I also think the book should have ended on the last chapter before the epilogue. I'm not a big fan of cheesy, unnecessary epilogues.  

I am glad that Veronica Roth strayed from the norm with her Young Adult trilogy. She stuck to the main themes and she captured the readers of the world. I will definitely miss these books, but I look forward to seeing them play out on the big screen (especially Tobias). 

 

 

Reconstructing Amelia

 

 

I decided to read this book because I heard rumors that it is coming out as a movie next year. This was Kimberly McCreight's debut novel, and while it could have used a little tweaking, I did enjoy it. Reconstructing Amelia is definitely Gone Girl-esque with likeable characters.

 

Kate Baron is a lawyer in an upscale firm in New York City. She is also a single mother to teen age daughter, Amelia. Kate receives a phone call from Amelia's top rated private school that Amelia has been suspended and that Kate needs to pick her up immediately. Kate arrives late to find police cars and emergency vehicles lined on the school grounds. She is told that Amelia jumped from the roof of the school to her death. Kate is understandably devastated. A random text message jump starts the investigation. Kate knows that Amelia would not have committed suicide, but on this journey she learns much more about her daughter than she ever expected.

 

 

Throughout this book I felt really bad for Kate. She was single, but also a successful lawyer, and able to provide. All she had was work and Amelia. She put a lot of her time into work and you could really see how much guilt she felt about that. She blamed herself for Amelia's death (If she had been there on time) and she felt as though she had failed as a mother. It did not help that her own parents were horrible examples, and completely full of themselves and their careers. I just wanted to give her a hug.

 

 

I enjoyed the alternating points of view between Kate and Amelia. It was also nice how the book alternates between past and present. Throughout the book I felt bad for Amelia. She did not really seem to have anyone she could fully rely on. Her mother worked ridiculous hours and she spent most of her time alone. Her best friend, Sylvia, tended to put boys first and was constantly talking about herself. Amelia becomes apart of a group in school, but is eventually harassed. She had to go through a lot and she could have really used a better support system.

 

 

The ending of the book was anti-climatic. The plot builds you up and you are wondering what really happened, but once you get there you are left thinking, "that's it?" I also was not thrilled with how the epilogue played out. It was really random. Overall, I enjoyed this book. It was a fast read and kept my attention.